The Call of Life
Some people go to church to find God, Carla van Raay found it upon leaving. Her memoir “God’s Callgirl”, billed as the story of a nun turned prostitute is not about losing faith, but the search for self acceptance and finding religion in ourselves not an institution.
The story details Carla’s life; a young girl growing up in Holland during the Second World War in a strict Catholic family who moved to Australia in 1950. She was forced to perform fellatio on her father at the age of three, leaving her trapped in feelings of guilt and sin for most of her life. The devoted existence of a nun was to be the answer for her escape and redemption, though it only brought more pain and confusion. It was the sixties the decade of rock ‘n’ roll and rebellion and eventually some of the ethos of the era trickled over Catholicism. “We have resisted changes brought in by Vatican II in the past. This is to end.” (van Raay, 2004: 225)
Progress was the least deviance from convention they could handle, this rigid regime became even worse with the lure of freedom. In 1969 Carla’s unhappiness forced her from the womb of the convent into a harsh reality. She began to experience life on her own terms, physically the last 13 years had happened but upon leaving the church she was still the same uncertain 18 year old who had just finished high school, thus the road of self discovery began.
The gulf from nun to callgirl seems inevitable, the guilt and taboo of sex and enjoyment gnawed at her curiosity. Her freedom allowed Carla to overindulge with no limits. The history of the Catholic Church is testament to this. In the past few years so many cases of clergy abuse have come to light that on one law firm’s website under “Cases We Handle” after Medical Malpractice and Social Security law is Clergy Misconduct! (d’Oliveira & Morgan, P.A. , P.C. Lawfirm (2003) Clergy Abuse Lawyer, http://www.good-legal-advice.com/clergy_misconduct.htm [ 22 Aug.2004].) The denial of human nature, endless rules, sin and guilt contributed to Carla’s confusion over who to trust, how to fit in and just deal with life outside the convent. This memoir is written as a confession, nothing is left out the reader is privy to bowel movements, spiritual awakenings and all of Carla’s humiliations and degradations. It is honest and unforgiving “we don’t have here a reading of a saint’s life” (O’Connor, C. (2004) God’s Callgirl: A Memoir http://web.stpeters.org.au/bookroom/reviews/callgirl.shtml [22 Aug.2004].) she doesn’t ask for our sympathy but it is easily given as her humanity is laid before us. Even the most conceited person can realise their own flaws through the exploration of hers.
“God’s Callgirl” strips bare the farce of the Catholic Church, Carla the insider divulges all the juicy titbits and contradictions of the FCJ (the Faithful Companions of Jesus) order. One sister is reprimanded for her kindness to beggars who she regularly assisted; “We’re a teaching order, not a charitable institution, Sister.”(van Raay, 2004: 227) The nuns are not all spoken of with compassion, when younger as she tells her story through the perspective of the Carla at that time though rhetoric is punctured with the wisdom of her age as she psychoanalyses her past.
When she left, the ex-nun still held onto her ideal of God. She didn’t turn to prostitution because of her loss of faith but for the experience and joy of sex, which she had been denied. But there is a seedy side to everything, after the honeymoon period was over she admits to continuing when her heart wasn’t in it she used to see herself as providing a service, but she began to do it for the money. These were all steps on the road to her recovery and eventually she even forgave her father for the abuse he inflicted. Carla’s experiences aren’t isolated “national surveys indicate that about 20 percent to 27 percent of all women have been sexually abused as children” (Smith, B. (2003) Nuns as Sexual Victims Get Little Notice http://www.rickross.com/reference/clergy/clergy120.html [22 Aug. 2004].), “God’s Callgirl” is proof that the horrors of life can be overcome.
Bibliography
BBC News, (2004) From Nun to Prostitute [Online], Available: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3561231.stm [Accessed 22 Aug. 2004].
Chughtai, S. (2003) Catholic Church Stained By Sex Scandals [Online], Available: http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/D291F811-4579-4FEB-A0FC-E9E750942676.htm [Accessed 22 Aug. 2004].
d’Oliveira & Morgan, P.A. , P.C. Lawfirm (2003) Clergy Abuse Lawyer [Online], Available: http://www.good-legal-advice.com/clergy_misconduct.htm [Accessed 22 Aug.2004].
O’Connor, C. (2004) God’s Callgirl: A Memoir [Online], Available: http://web.stpeters.org.au/bookroom/reviews/callgirl.shtml [Accessed 22 Aug.2004].
Smith, B. (2003) Nuns as Sexual Victims Get Little Notice [Online], Available: http://www.rickross.com/reference/clergy/clergy120.html [Accessed 22 Aug. 2004].
van Raay, C. (2004) God’s Callgirl, Sydney: Harper Collins.